By Blue Dampf

i’ve decomposed

and reimposed

every mold of my composition

an artificial acquisition

is taunting my intuition

misunderstood suspicion

is my father’s repetition

i’m breaking my own ribs

internal warfare, demolition

malnutrition is ammunition

of transitional recognition

You call this an expedition?

take a look at my incisions

these scars are a means of my pride

and ambition

my duality

lacks neutrality

stop telling me it’s my fucking mentality

this is my reality

a fragmented fatality

and there is not a glimpse of light,

or vitality

no normality

that can empty me from the capacity of self

if life’s about hanging in there

i guess i’ll go grab the belt

you see this leather buckle?

it used to fit around my waist

now stomach acid and bloody knuckles

that’s all that i can taste

when i get on my knees

i face the wall

i arch my back

and blue blood falls


if i can’t have the body i want

i want no body at all

what was once a means self expression is now a question of repression

an obsession with chest compression has led me to confession

Is this? about a lesson?

no, this is a reminder of the progression of my depression

excuse my brute aggression

but this backwards transcendence is anything but fucking pleasant,

a subjection to hormone injections

and your inconspicuous perceptions

my rejection of connection

is driving me fucking mad

i haven’t seen myself in 18 years

i’m going blind and i am sad

i break the glass of one way mirrors

and pry at my flesh and ribs

i was 9 years old

when i learned

how to hate what god just gives

i trained my lungs to need less air

i taught my skin the way to tear

and when i’d look at other girls

they’d tell me it wasn’t fair

i got attention and affection

for these devilish wings of despair?

a superficial acceptance i refused to receive

i should be playing with race cars

not watching my collarbones bleed

rest assured i believed what my mom and had dad said

one day i’d meet a boy he’d grab my tits n i’d give him head

how i longed to be that boy and how i begged to disappear

you know it’s crazy how don’t change when you’re convinced that 

you’re not here

Meet Blue Dampf

Blue Dampf is a writer and multi-media creative producing various templates of written work across a multitude of subjects. They are currently obtaining a BA in Public Relations and Strategic Communication with a minor in Digital Journalism and Psychology. After graduating, they plan on pursuing a masters in finance to earn an MBA with a focus in financial consulting.

Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff