By Blue Dampf
i’ve decomposed
and reimposed
every mold of my composition
an artificial acquisition
is taunting my intuition
misunderstood suspicion
is my father’s repetition
i’m breaking my own ribs
internal warfare, demolition
malnutrition is ammunition
of transitional recognition
You call this an expedition?
take a look at my incisions
these scars are a means of my pride
and ambition
my duality
lacks neutrality
stop telling me it’s my fucking mentality
this is my reality
a fragmented fatality
and there is not a glimpse of light,
or vitality
no normality
that can empty me from the capacity of self
if life’s about hanging in there
i guess i’ll go grab the belt
you see this leather buckle?
it used to fit around my waist
now stomach acid and bloody knuckles
that’s all that i can taste
when i get on my knees
i face the wall
i arch my back
and blue blood falls
because
if i can’t have the body i want
i want no body at all
what was once a means self expression is now a question of repression
an obsession with chest compression has led me to confession
Is this? about a lesson?
no, this is a reminder of the progression of my depression
excuse my brute aggression
but this backwards transcendence is anything but fucking pleasant,
a subjection to hormone injections
and your inconspicuous perceptions
my rejection of connection
is driving me fucking mad
i haven’t seen myself in 18 years
i’m going blind and i am sad
i break the glass of one way mirrors
and pry at my flesh and ribs
i was 9 years old
when i learned
how to hate what god just gives
i trained my lungs to need less air
i taught my skin the way to tear
and when i’d look at other girls
they’d tell me it wasn’t fair
i got attention and affection
for these devilish wings of despair?
a superficial acceptance i refused to receive
i should be playing with race cars
not watching my collarbones bleed
rest assured i believed what my mom and had dad said
one day i’d meet a boy he’d grab my tits n i’d give him head
how i longed to be that boy and how i begged to disappear
you know it’s crazy how don’t change when you’re convinced that
you’re not here
Meet Blue Dampf
