An apology to the Girl I was Before

By Elliott Case

Dear Elle in April 2023,

You were finally on the right track, bettering yourself, enjoying new experiences, making new connections, and finally feeling a faint sense of confidence after a year of insecurity and struggles. I am sorry I took that away. I apologize for letting you become consumed by a wave of sharp, jagged droplets that slowly caused you to drown into the pit of nothingness. Because that's what happened, we, you, became nothing. You have overcome so much when demons came knocking; you persevered and overcame a disease that caused you to shrink your body because you understood then that you are not someone who could ever be diminished, so how did a singular person come in and take you away so easily, so lovingly, and with such wretch. It took one person to build you up, only to be slowly pulled apart piece by piece; I am sorry I let them in. We are stronger now. We no longer care about a number fluctuating because we no longer have to report it every morning. Now, food feels free again; we can finally hang out with our friends again, and our sister has become our best friend. The best part is not being scared that you are going to disappoint someone who can never be satisfied; our energy is no longer wasted; it is put to good use by taking walks through Central Park to see the cherry blossoms or bake some banana bread, just like we have at home in Pennsylvania, with the blueberries and crusty sugar topping. We can now see the way love should feel and know that we should not feel the way we used to. I am sorry I let it slide for so long, too long; right when we were on top, I let you get pulled six feet below. Never again, and I mean it. I don't think we will ever be the same. I think the scars on our hearts may dissipate but always linger, and for that, I am sorry. I hope you can continue to move through the months with a grace that encapsulates the people around you. I wish right now I could go back and point out the signs from last April, but that would mean we don't learn. Sometimes learning is painful, and sometimes it is treacherous. I know the next few months are going to feel amazing for you, exciting, and new. I also know that in a year, you are going to be low, starting over, and for that I am sorry. But as I currently look ahead to April of 2024, I know that the next year will be promising and filled with light. Even though April 2023 to now was a rocky road, it is going to happen as it has, and I am sorry for how it will play out. Your fault? Maybe not, but you definitely have a lot of growth coming your way; try to see that over the bad. It is hard to think about the start when the end is all I think about now, but before you go through pain, which I am sorry for, enjoy the experience, and try to grow through it. That is all.

You, one year in the future, April 2024

Meet Eliliot Case

Elliott Case is a junior at Marymount Manhattan College studying Digital Journalism and Communications. With her passion for NYC culture, politics, and the arts, she aims to be a positive voice for the greater good.
Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff